Without trying to sound cliche, but listening to the smiths enforces my persona of a love stricken teenager. Except I am neither a teenager nor in love. I am more in love with being in love if that makes sense. That being said, I can't really make that part of affection work. Troubling it may seem. I am a bit silent about my love life and it can be that love or affection towards anyone is ridiculously humilating, in the sense that its to public for others to see. I don't chase people and I would think no one chases me, at least in my perspective. I just brush off any flirtatious comment or affection from anyone. I recede back into my shell and ignore the people who do like me haha, for that I am sorry. I do feel bad, but I would feel even worse in a relationship. In a relationship I feel trapped? Its pretty foreign and what is terrible about me is that I try to manipulate it. I like to push people to their limits. In the end when they loose interest I gain interest. I KNOW I have issues -_-, but I do believe I revaluated my faults and with some outside help, I worked on it and feel better about relationships. Am i ready again? maybe. I really don't feel urge to go out an look for a guy. I kinda like to ease into things and take my time. If that means being single for a long long time then so be it! Haha I survived before so I will survive again.
I will, however, say I gain alot of crushes on guys ^__^ I'm still a girl ya know! I just don't like-like them. People always think crushes means you like and want to be with them ehhh no. Crushes (according to me) is just thinking the person is neat and cute :] and they sort of become your fav person to talk to or hang out with. In a way you look forward to seeing them! Doesn't mean you want to be with them. Haha they are however potential and you are just interested, not into them. uhh Do you guys get what I mean? Yea that's me haha, I have such oodd crushes too. Ohhhhh well, just makes talking to people that much more fun. :D
~Marina
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